Note: This resource includes discussion of threats of suicide 

A threat is when someone says they will do something to harm you, themselves, a pet, or someone else. It can be explicit or implied. It includes threats to do physical, emotional, or sexual harm. A threat can be made through speech, text, or gestures.  

Threats often include blackmail and intimidation. Blackmail is when someone threatens to share private information, photos, or secrets to make you do something you don’t want to do. Intimidation is when someone tries to force you to do something by using threats or violence. 

This can include threatening to: 

• Tell your parents or caregivers something private 
• Share nude or semi-nude images 
• “Out” you to others 
• Ruin your reputation online 

Here are some examples of threatening messages: 

• “You’d better watch out” 
• “If you don’t do what I want, I’ll tell your parents.” 
• “If you leave me, I’ll post those pictures.” 

If threats stop but unwanted communication continues, safety steps in the resource Help! My Partner Is Using Technology to Harass Me may be helpful.  

Suicide Threats Used as Control 

Your partner may say something like “If you break up with me, I’ll kill myself.” Hearing someone you care about say they might hurt themselves can be really scary. 

Your feelings – fear, panic, sadness, anger – are completely normal. 

Suicide threats can be a real cry for help and should always be taken seriously. 

But if your partner repeatedly threatens suicide: 

• When you try to set boundaries 
• When you don’t do what they want 
• Or when you try to end the relationship 

That is emotional abuse and an attempt to control you. 

If this is happening, it is important to keep in mind that: 

You are not responsible for your partner’s actions 

• You cannot “save” someone by giving up your safety 
• Caring about someone does not mean giving in to threats 
• You can support someone and still protect yourself 

If someone is in immediate danger, reach out for emergency help right away. 

• Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 or text/chat online 
• Suicide Crisis Helpline (Canada): Call or text 9-8-8

What You Can Do 

1. Holding Your Boundaries 

If your dating partner is threatening you, setting a boundary or challenging the threat could make them angry or make the threats worse. Think about your safety first. Before responding, think about how they might react and talk to a trusted adult or support person about what feels safest for you. You do not have to confront someone or respond to a threat to prove that you can stand up for yourself. 

You can care about someone and say no. 

You might say: 

“I care about you, but it’s not okay to pressure me like this.” 

You do not have to prove your love by staying, giving in, or sacrificing your safety. 

2. Save Proof 

If threats happen by text, DM, email, or voice message: 

• Take screenshots or screen recordings 
• Save dates, times, usernames, and numbers 
• Store copies somewhere safe (like a new email or with a trusted adult) 

Saving proof gives you options later, even if you never use it. 

3. Make a Safety Plan 

A safety plan helps you think through: 

• How to stay safer online and offline 
• What to do if threats escalate 
• Who you can reach out to 

You can: 

• Use the Kids Help Phone online safety planning tool or our Safety Planning Checklist 
• Ask a counsellor, support worker, or trusted adult to help you create one 

4. Take Away the Power of the Threat 

Sometimes, threats lose power when secrets are no longer secret.  

For example:  

• If they threaten to tell your parents something you have been hiding from them, you might choose to tell them first 
• If they threaten to “out” you, consider reaching out to someone safe or a support group 
• If they threaten to share intimate images without your consent, this is illegal in Canada, and you can share their threat with a trusted adult who can help you take further action. 

Before taking away the power of a threat, think about how your dating partner might react. If you are worried that they may become more threatening or controlling, you don’t have to confront them or act on your own. Talk to a trusted adult or support person and make a plan that feels safe for you. 

5. Reach Out for Support 

Hearing threats, especially threats of suicide, can be upsetting and overwhelming. 

You don’t have to handle this by yourself. 

Talk to: 

• A trusted adult, teacher, or school counsellor 
• A friend or family member 
• A youth support or anti-violence worker 

You can also reach confidential, 24/7 support: 

• Kids Help Phone: 1-800-688-6868 or text/chat online 
• Suicide Crisis Helpline (Canada): Call or text 9-8-8 

If someone is in immediate danger, reach out for emergency help right away. 

Remember 

• Threats are not love 
• Fear is not consent 
• You deserve safety, respect, and choice 

You are not alone, and help is available. 

Technology-facilitated gender-based violence is part of a continuum of violence that can be both online and in-person. If you or someone you know is experiencing technology-facilitated violence, you are not alone. Encourage them to chat with a trusted adult, connect with the Kids Help Phone to create a safety plan, or use ShelterSafe.ca to find a shelter/transition house near you to discuss options and create a safety plan. You don’t need to stay in a shelter to access free, confidential services and support.